Losses, Crossroads and Windows

My life’s journey over the last three or four months was inward bound and so, most words from the time went into the black moleskin that held my hands through some sad, dark days. I haven’t had the courage to write or do much in the manner of sharing since the loss of my boy Yogi, and since his illness for that matter. Death and illness of a dear one sap energy in a way that is very depleting at a physical level even though acceptance does come in emotionally. I miss him so, so much that, on the other hand, I wonder what it means really, this emotional acceptance. It’s a funny thing, and I want to share that whole process here when I am ready to. So while I still cannot articulate his loss, just as yet at least, I have been getting myself together – getting back to my routine and perusing the beloved projects that I had left to  marinate in the subconscious. The thing about losing continuity in the arts is that it is hard to get back to that precious creative flow. The confusion, the anxiety of picking up threads and so on. A bit more pronounced in my case given my predisposition to long-ish, dark-ish cycles of depression. I am glad for this spell of the wonderful north east monsoon, for the tropical rains always, always lift my spirits as do clouds and grey skies.

For now, here I am breaking a silence, and here I am at ambivalent crossroads of the creative life yet again. But these windows before me promise the most beautiful possibilities, new leaves and the sparkle of spring in my steps.

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{ 18 comments… add one }
  • Aarohi Singh December 18, 2014, 4:22 pm

    I was 19 when an elderly gentleman at my first solo exhibition told me- ‘ you have skill but you are not yet an artist. For one so young, you have had no profound experiences yet.It will come and then you will be an artist…’ I did not understand or agree then, in some sense I still don’t. And yet, I know that this journey that is life- with it’s ups and downs, the many months of marination of experiences sometimes to painful to hold in our consciousness, in some sense set us free to truly explore creatively. We just have to be willing and ready to let it flow as and when it does. Unafraid of what comes out. the decision to share that outpouring is personal and comes later. For now, I wish you love and courage to pick up those threads and weave – a new blanket of —————— (fill in that blank with whatever will give you most peace).
    Much Love.

    P.s- I know of those dark corners – predisposition to long-ish, dark-ish cycles of depression – we all have them.

  • Ramya Reddy December 20, 2014, 4:10 am

    Aarohi Singh commented on :

    I was 19 when an elderly gentleman at my first solo exhibition told me- ‘ you have skill but you are not yet an artist. For one so young, you have had no profound experiences yet.It will come and then you will be an artist…’ I did not understand or agree then, in some sense I still don’t. And yet, I know that this journey that is life- with it’s ups and downs, the many months of marination of experiences sometimes to painful to hold in our consciousness, in some sense set us free to truly explore creatively. We just have to be willing and ready to let it flow as and when it does. Unafraid of what comes out. the decision to share that outpouring is personal and comes later. For now, I wish you love and courage to pick up those threads and weave – a new blanket of —————— (fill in that blank with whatever will give you most peace).
    Much Love.

    P.s- I know of those dark corners – predisposition to long-ish, dark-ish cycles of depression – we all have them.

  • Sindhoor Pangal December 21, 2014, 6:42 am

    Ramya Reddy you are stronger than you realize. At times like these, our loved ones hold a mirror to us and show us what we may have been blind to. Even in their departure, they bring out the best in us. I applaud your way of coping. And as hard as it seems, we will cope one day at a time. That’s what we humans do – we cope. Always here for you.

  • Prasad Tagat December 22, 2014, 6:58 am

    Sorry about Yogi.Ramya :( But its so nice that you can lift your spirits with a monsoon…you inspired me to watch cloud formations when on a photoshoot! I am inspired all the more…

  • Ramya Reddy December 22, 2014, 8:41 am

    aww thanks Prasad. Sindhoor – thanks darling I know I can count on you

  • Bharti Suvarna December 22, 2014, 12:50 pm

    You will meet him soon yet again :)

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