Just as it is.

This is a found word accordion book I made from scratch, when I was in San Francisco recently. It was an exercise that involved discovering an order in the randomness of tearing out words from a novel, and placing them in a new context, or the lack of it. By the end of the exercise, the pages had developed a flow of sorts, unbeknown to me. There are images, image transfers, dry leaves, twigs and whatnot that overflow through the rest of this book, but what held my specific grasp was tearing out words and unconsciously letting them rearrange themselves.

This little project was momentous to someone like me, who likes to have things in “control”  What it started, I don’t know, or it was perhaps just a catalyst to something that was already on a roll. I just don’t feel there’s any need to tamper with the natural order of things and the universe. Simple but a constant awareness seems to be enough for now – it does the job and has the immense capacity to take us through, complete with the unraveling of directions to wherever it is we want to go. It is working for me. How, I don’t know. And I’m trying not to fight that too much. I’m not asking. When I was a little girl my father once flung me into the pool because he thought there was no better way for me to learn how to use my wings. He said, don’t ask too many questions, just learn. The wisdom behind that, I feel in it’s entirety.

As we speak, in the background there are looming deadlines, bills to be paid, responsibilities, and that big little rascal, ego, always telling me what to do. But for now, this moment is beautiful. Just the way it is. My puppies beside me breathing peacefully as I write, my heart is beating fast and I’m letting it be. The heady fragrance of lemongrass and roses in my studio fills me. A moment of euphoria. A pang of post run hunger. My favourite old tamil music keeping rhythm with my fingers as I type out these words….the natural order of things…

What’s up next.

I don’t know, and I’m exhausted looking for what I don’t need to know. It is beautiful just as it is.